I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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