sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
