Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
