I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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