I saw his package. It spoke to me.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
