so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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