Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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