Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
