All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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