I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
