Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
