Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
