I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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