I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
