i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
