Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
