hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
