I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
