guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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