Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
