that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Randomize
