Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
