I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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