If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Hippo gnu deer
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
