I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
