Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
