Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
