He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
