Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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