Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
