i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
