So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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