i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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