i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
