I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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