How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
