Where did you get a picture of my penis
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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