The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
