I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
