i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
