how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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