look no pants
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
