So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
