she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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