I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
