Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
