dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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