Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Come on in and take your pants off
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