That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
