It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
