Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I don't deserve a penis
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
